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  • Writer's pictureCocoLikeChanel

Problem Solvers

After over a decade with my partner it is shocking to me that I am still unveiling these truths about how we are different. Recently as my beloved lay on the couch watching as I swirled in an eddie of activity around him, he gave me this little nugget: "It is so interesting that you just try things. When I don't know what to do I just freeze until I am 100% sure." I was stunned. He was right (don't tell him I said so). We had completely opposite ways of approaching problem-solving.

I have a feverish need to be self-sufficient. Shout out to my upbringing for better or worse (and probably a little bit of both). I get so much of my personal esteem from DOING. I realized that for me the worst possible scenario wasn't failing. It was inaction. It was not having the gumption to try.

It never occurred to me that a problem would be a cause to pause and consider. When I don't know what to do I google it, maybe watch a few YouTube videos on how to do it, and start going. This doesn't always work out well. I had different stages of orange hair for the past 6 months as a result of one such YouTube-fueled ego boost that ended with such a painfully obvious message from the peanut gallery -- leave some things to the professionals.

There is a happy medium that can help us both grow into better versions of ourselves. For those individuals that relate with my overly zealous can-do attitude let me propose this: think of your time as a resource. Rather than be so driven by can you do it -- ask yourself if you want to spend the time, money, and energy learning to complete this particular task. These mental systems of checks and balances can empower you to dedicate your resources to the things that you really want to learn and enjoy doing and will keep you from dying your hair orange on a whim.

For those that feel the cold freeze of uncertainty wash over them when a problem arises they don't immediately know how to solve -- to them, I say this: you can do more than you think. Start with some simple tasks you won't be in physical or emotional endangered if the worst happens and you fail. Unclog the drain, get that stain out, or cook something new that has been too ominous to try. Once you develop those neuropathways to success it is easier to get back there again and again.

Beauty can be found in the trope that opposites attract. That after 15 years of knowing a person you can still have revelations and learnings. Hopefully, they are the ones that provide opportunities to help each other become better, happier, and dare I say more empowered versions of themselves.

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